Enjoying The Moment.

Today was one of those days that I miss America.

I have these periods of days or sometimes even a week or more where I actually think to myself it would be better to go home.

Go home to cars and American grocery stores and mommy play groups and church nurseries and English.

Maybe it’s because in a way we are still very much into the thick of culture shock or because I can’t seem to get my act together but whatever the reason may be I have these days. And these days are brought on because I am tired of riding my bike everywhere, especially in the cold. Tired of saying no to doing things because we can’t afford it. Tired of hearing Japanese constantly around me, everywhere I go. Tired of watching my son say good-bye to family after wonderful, happy visits. Tired of not understanding the culture and making countless embarrassing mistakes. Tired of being an outsider. Sometimes I feel so alone. Sometimes I just feel tired. Sometimes I almost hate living here.

Sometime I feel like everything we gave up back home wasn’t worth giving up for where we are now. And it’s times like these that leaves me missing America and longing for what it has to offer me.

But I think this is kind of what happens to me whenever we close one chapter of life and open a new. The grass was greener on the other side. I can easily remember the good times and have a harder time remembering the struggles we have had in the past. But it’s the opposite it seems when looking at the present sometimes.

I can see the struggles of right now, because I do not know where these struggles are going to lead me. Or how long I will be dealing with them. And these struggles can overtake the best parts of the now.

Things like getting to actually watch my son grow up from home instead of having to work. Things like exciting cultural experiences and new understandings of life itself. Things like getting to experience parts of the world that many people don't.Things like watching God work in our lives in ways we couldn't imagine from our couch in America.

And if I am not careful, I will miss it. And that would be a very sad thing.

It doesn't mean it's not ok to look back on my past and smile. We've had some great memories in the past few years. But I am working on not missing the present. Because there will be a time in the future where I will be longing for this moment once again.